Ms Chua is so cute,
Ms Chua: "An isolated but cheaper place"... IS THIS REFERRING TO TUAS?!
Me: -bursts out laughing- No!!! Okay, sort of.
I almost became bulimic at the end of last year. Quite scary when I think about it. I kept telling myself it was okay to not eat, and to eat very little. And everytime I finished eating I would be trying to suppress the urge to throw up everything I'd just eaten. When it was late at night and I'm hungry, I'll convince myself that I'm really just thirsty and drink a glass of water.
I felt fat (I still think I am). I told myself I was fat. Whenever people told me that I'm not fat and told me to get some food, I'd say, "I know I'm not fat. I just feel like I am." I thought I was being realistic but I wasn't.
Before then, I've always thought - yeah I'm fat, but so what. I'm too lazy to exercise and I can't give up food just to lose weight because it's too damn good, so I shall continue being fat. And then I started to think, yeah I'm fat, and I'm too lazy to exercise and I can't give up food just to lose weight because it's too damn good so maybe I should start throwing up everything I eat.
I felt bad. I thought I wasn't good enough for anyone, least of all... I'd wanted to be perfect.
I thought being perfect meant that things would change. My life would fall back to the way it was and I'd be happy again. But then I realised nothing would change.
I sent someone a wake up message at 6 PM. It reminded me of the times I felt my phone buzz and ring while I slept, and I'll wake up, sweeping my bed to find my phone and flip it open in a hurry. I'd say "Hello," and the voice on the other side of the line would tell me it's time to wake up. Once I got a call at 5 AM. I was so happy then, every time.
Just two more weeks to go... :)
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I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
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