In an attempt to lose weight I went running today. Or brisk walking, more like. Ironically, I found out the true reason why I hated running, whilst running.
It's not that I don't like to exercise, but I don't like boring things. Maybe running appeals to other people (with what, I don't know), but not me. Running is tiring and that's one thing, but I'm well aware that exercising, in general, is tiring. I would rather have fun while exercising and then get tired. But running doesn't do that for me.
To some people, when they run they can concentrate, but I can't. I don't like to run with people because we may talk and then it gets tiring. But even running alone isn't working for me - when I run alone I think about a lot of things. And it gets tiring too. I always feel brain dead after running.
But not dancing or wakeboarding. I don't know about wakeboarding because I haven't done it but it seems like you have to focus to keep your balance. So there's something to distract you. Or when you dance, you have you listen and pay attention to the music and what you're doing. You are put in another world. I much prefer exercising that way, because exercising is supposed to be an escape, despite the physical exhaustion. I would never mind the physical exhaustion as long as my mind is focused on one thing. That's not happening when I run. When I run, I find myself having to keep up with not just my pace, but my trains of thought as well. And that is doubly exhausting as compared to dancing or wakeboarding.
I think I am going to do wakeboarding this holiday.
I hate the scars (on my back), and this is such a touchy topic.
That day Honkei (sort of) ran away from home. I was kind of freaked out, seeing the messages he sent me. He was so angry. It wasn't like him at all. When I saw those messages I was doubting whether it was him at all. He just seemed so different and I even wondered if it was because his younger brother stole his phone and was playing a prank.
I guess I can (sort of) understand, having (sort of) run away from home before myself. He was put in a more difficult position though - he had nowhere to go. (Well eventually Ezra offered to let him stay over but he decided to go back home by then because his mum called.) He had a really bad day by then, ealier in the day Jodenia ignored him when he tried to talk to her. She sucks. Why does she keep doing that to him? Now they can't even be friends.
So yesterday I went to Alex's house along with my brother and TEW. I was relieved to see that Alex was more normal (not as psycho as I thought she'd be), but not relieved to see that her mum invited two of her other friends - Kai Woon, whom I remember (she's from STC, so at least we had a bit to talk about, since Ruth is from STC too), and Catharine/Katharine (whichever way her name is spelt), whom I didn't know. It was awkward.
It was awkward whenever a silence fell over the table and we had nothing to talk about, and Alex's mum had to quickly come up with a topic to interrupt the silence. It was awkward after Catharine/Katharine left and Alex, Kai Woon, Zi Liang and I sat on the couches at the living room with absolutely nothing to do or talk about.
But most of all, it was awkward when I first stepped into Alex's room. She was already in there with Kai Woon, probably talking about school stuff. (And "school stuff" is a touchy topic for Alex per se, since she's been away from school for a year and a half now. She's being homeschooled now.) I was sitting in the living room because I just didn't know what to do. So Auntie Agnes asked me to go in and talk to her. And I did. They were talking when I walked in, and they shut up the moment they saw me step in. That was extremely awkward, and the tension in the air was palpable. Seriously.
I went over and sat at the bean bag. We were silent for probably half a minute, but it seemed like forever. I stared at them, not quite knowing what to say, and they tried not to look at me. I thought of and almost said, "Do you want me to go out? So, you know, you guys can talk." I didn't do it, because I didn't dare.
I can't remember who started talking first, but thank God. I hate being caught in awkward situations like that.
And here are some PostSecrets for the day:
Message of the day? I am thinking of you.
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I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
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