I SHOULDN'T BE LOOKING AT IT. IT MAKES ME SAD. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME.
Here are a few of the best memories I have of certain people. (Picked randomly via my phone contacts. In alphabetical order.)
Aizhen: I think it was last year. She just cut her hair short with Wuying. And that was around the period of time where Wuying pierced her tongue. I don't know who told me Wuying pierced her tongue. Wuying and Aizhen were standing together at one of the canteen tables, talking to Elycia. I ran over with someone (can't remember who, I think it was Christine) to Aizhen and Wuying, and asked to see Wuying's new piercing. They were both sipping from their drink cups. It's weird that this is my best memory of Aizhen because there is nothing exceptionally significant about it, except that I can remember exactly how Aizhen looked like then!!
Bang Guo: This was also in Secondary 1 I think. I took the whiteboard duster and slammed it on his formal uniform. He screamed in horror.
Brendan: Last year, when we did flag raising duty together!! Did I mention that flag raising was the first ever duty I've done and Brendan was my partner? HAHAHA. I remember we always gossiped about Tiffany because she always stood behind instead of raising the flag/saying the pledge.
Cheowyi: Secondary 1!! In the shooting range. I think it was one of the first few trainings. This was the period of time where I still went for training. So this is Term 1. She kept laughing and gossiping with Zhengxin and Jeslynn. I felt left out because I didn't even know what they were talking about. So that day I was sad, because I kept getting ignored.
Daniel: There's nothing special. Except that I remember when I still went for trainings in Secondary 1, he always happened to be in the lane next to mine. And I'd always complain about how heavy the rifle is, and ask him what time it is already because he wears a watch and I don't. And at that time I didn't have a handphone yet.
Ek Neng: Omg, practically all the times we spent in Osaka, Japan last year. I remember one of the last few nights when we went to an open field near the hotel to set off fireworks, he and Chinkiat were screaming like mad. Like girls. I was amazed because I thought my voice would break if I screamed like that.
Fiona: During Secondary 1 Orientation, during the Campfire Performance. She said that she thought all/most of the guys in our class were childish and I agreed. And then she said, "I think Yeow Yong is the only one who is mature." I didn't know who Yeow Yong was yet. She proceeded to ask me, "Do you think Yeow Yong is mature?" I agreed even though I didn't know who Yeow Yong was. LOL.
Gabbie: There was once in 2007, when we went to Guangzhou (or was it Hangzhou?) together for an art exhibition. We were gossiping about Mdm Rafidah. And we doodled on my notebook. FOR NO REASON AT ALL, we wrote "Shaoyan is a dog". TOTALLY STUPID LOL. She even drew a cartoon dog next to the caption.
Hairul: Think it was last year? The end of the year, when I got to know Hairul better! We (some of the Prefects from my batch) were walking to the bus stop and we were trying to decide on a Chinese name for Hairul.
Ji Ting: Last year, when we went to Osaka, Japan. The night where we stayed at the hot springs hotel, and we went to someone's room to play cards. It was the night where they tried to teach Keng Munn and I how to play Daidi. Ji Ting kept shouting Hokkien vulgarities. My first impression of him was that he was an ahbeng.
Joelly: We always went to buy popiah together, in Secondary 1!
Pui Ling: Oh, in Secondary 1. When I still sat with her. During Mdm Rafidah's lesson. When we were planting uncapped markers at the edge of my table. In an attempt to accidentally-on-purpose draw on Mdm Rafidah's white skirt. We were laughing hysterically.
Shizhou: The first time when I asked him if he reads FHM. He was a little shocked and said, "谁跟你讲的?" Then he started to deny that he reads FHM.
Yeow Yong: Secondary 1 as well. Sometimes we gossiped about him behind his back or even right in front of him. To do so without him knowing that we are actually talking about him, we gave him a code name. We called him Parrot because his voice made him sound like one. And he had a raucous laughter. It's unforgettable. I can remember how it sounds like, even now.
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I don't know why you looked away when I caught your eye. You looked away like you were disgusted. I started to think you were probably disgusted because, a) you realised that I was looking at you, b) you were disgusted with yourself for looking at me, c) you were disgusted by the fact that I looked at you. Could be any of the above or maybe all of them, or maybe something I didn't even think of. I don't know and I don't think I really care. Not because I don't want to care, but because I've realised that thinking about it doesn't make the situation better in any aspect. And a lot of times, I think too much even if I wouldn't like to admit it. It made me a little bit sad, to see you shift your glance away so abruptly, but I am used to it. Someone even asked me why you were acting like that. I didn't know how to answer. I still care for you and I wonder if you know. Sometimes I think it doesn't matter if you know because it wouldn't change anything. And you would still look at me or away from me, the same way you did today, the same way you do everyday.
And then I imagined what it would be like if I'd told you I was about to die. In my own figments of imagination, everything turns out perfectly. I am being too idealistic in my own world. Reality is, it's not going to be like that, most probably. I imagine myself feeling a knife stabbed into my heart the moment you put me out of your mind for good. I would be sad, extremely sad. It's typical, but "sad" is really the only world I can use to describe how I might feel. Everything just seems to exaggerated or understated. "Sad" cuts it - that would be exactly how I'd feel. Tears in the eyes, the feeling like something is stuck in my throat, heart seizures and everything. Maybe I would cry. But then maybe eventually I would nod to myself and think that this is when I would finally have to forget you. You've already moved on and maybe I should, as well.
Right now I feel like something is caught up in my throat and my vision is blurred. For the past minute I stared at the screen in a daze, not really knowing what to write. Maybe a year or more later when I rewind and come across this post, I'd laugh at myself and shake my head at how stupid I was being. So this is to my future self in case if this does really happen: I am sad now and I hope you don't laugh. Because you would always think of how childish you were when you look back at the parts of the journey you've already travelled. I am not making much sense here. I am quite sad now. Sounds dead but it's absolutely to-the-point. Bye.
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I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
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