Because I want to know what's going to happen, before it happens. Just the slightest bit, it makes me feel like a clairvoyant (though I know that I definitely am not).
Before the third corpse from Future Diary <<未来日記>> had her real identity revealed, I was pestering Junyang to tell me the identity of the third corpse. I shan't mention the true identity of the corpse here in case others might want to read the manga, but I remember feeling very freaked out.
I wanted to know the identity of the third corpse. Yes, because I was freaked out, but also because knowing the identity of the corpse would bring the tension down by a notch. I was seriously on the edge, I wanted to continue reading the manga because it was super intriguing, yet I paused there and daren't click the next page because I was afraid that my eyes would be welcomed with a gruesome image.
By knowing the identity of the corpse before I went ahead to continue reading the manga, I calmed down a whole lot. It made me feel like I can continue reading the manga, knowing I am on top of it all. Sounds ridiculous (and also kind of pathetic actually), but it's true.
I never liked to see the bad things happen to the good people in stories. (Or dramas, comics, and others.) It always made me feel as screwed up as the character is playing out to be. I understand that that's the point the author is trying to achieve - to grab you in and keep your eyes peeled on the book and to keep you reading. With me, the author can easily achieve this.
Sometimes, if I'd watched an anime/drama or read a book/comic before, I'd skip the parts where the bad things happen to the character. The climaxes of the story. Because all I really want is the happy ending. To set myself into the mood of how happy the character feels at the end, make myself feel at home. Typically, (s)he'd feel great, relieved, blissful. Things like that. Reading those parts make me feel like that too. But to really understand the happy ending you have no choice but to go through the whole book. (Which is why it's called an ending, after all.)
Reading spoilers give me a sense of superiority. Like I said, it's like having a game guide to a video game. You'd know exactly what to do at whichever point of the game. You won't screw up. And even if you do accidentally screw up, you know what you can do to fix it all back together.
And here's the real reason why I always read spoilers: because I am scared. I don't want to only know things when they happen, I want to know beforehand. So I can be prepared. So when the time comes, I'll know what to do. I won't freak out, break down, collapse under the pressure.
But on that day I was delivered the greatest surprise of all. It was something I never prepared for at all. I never thought you would leave me, but you did. Took things for granted - that's what went wrong with me. It makes me hate myself. If I had known beforehand that it was going to happen, would I have been able to prepare for it anyway? I don't know and I wouldn't know. Up till today it still tops my list of regrets. I love you, I miss you, and you are still on my mind everyday.
From The Girl Who Thinks Of You Everyday.
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I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
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