Looking back, I realise what a horrible _ I must have been. I liked to think that I was there for you just like you for me. And when I really think about it, I wasn't. It sucks. I sucked. And it is really my fault, completely. You were always there for me. I could always see you but I never held you, never reached out to hold onto you. And that is why you are no longer in my line of sight, I can no longer see you anymore.
As it turns out, I was the one making myself sad. I am always the one making myself sad. Bloody hell. As a result, you were sad because I was sad. This is so stupid. If I wasn't sad you wouldn't have been sad and then you wouldn't have _ and I wouldn't be sad. Damn it. I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself.
I didn't know what to do. I am always asking for too much. I hold people up to standards that are too high. Which is fucking stupid because I really hate it when people hold me up to bloody high standards that I can't even touch. Why am I like this? Why am I doing this to the person/people I love the most? I thought that I had managed to resolve that, resolve this lapse in my character. But as it turns out, I haven't. And I resent myself for that.
Now I don't feel sad, I feel stupid. Like the dumbest person ever. Screw it, you know? Everything was happy and good and I had to come by and wreck it. Why am I such a horrible person? To hurt the person/people you love the most. I didn't mean to, I swear. But why did I do it anyway?
This is getting way too emotional. I am not even feeling sad. I just feel stupid and helpless and... insignificant.
"And I'll sacrifice every sunset, just to see you smile."
Does anybody remember this quote? Now I'm going to add a line to it. Because you're my raison d'etre.
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I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
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