It's been too hard. And too long, I might add. Don't ask me what.
Surprised I am back? Haha actually I do not think it is anything surprising at all.
However, I am only blogging now because I find that it is too unbearable to not blog. I'll just blog sporadically, then.
(Image above taken from Tiffany's blog)
I think, the world has become too distorted a place that people don't exactly know what they're supposed to do anymore. That includes me. But before I expound on that, let's take another example. Teachers, for example.
At its most quintessential, a school is a place meant to educate their students. Not just nicely organized and categorized scraps of knowledge, but maybe also moral values. Just a few mornings ago I started to think about how cynical the whole system really is. I guess, teachers might have forgotten their purpose in the first place, and that is to educate their students. But I guess they cannot be entirely blamed. But before I go on about that, what I am really trying to say here is - do you feel that teachers really genuinely care for you anymore? I don't. They may use their greatest efforts to make you learn, enlighten you, but are they doing so just so you can really learn? I don't think so, anymore. I think it's really so that they can draw their salary and not get fired.
They make you work hard, very hard. You get good results and well, that's good for you. But have you thought about why they make you work hard in the first place? Apart from their salaries, it might also be because they want to prove their capabilities - show that they are a good teacher. It might merit them a promotion. A quick rise through the ranks. Whatever happened to making sure that all students leave the school each day a little bit wiser? Sadly, it is not so simple anymore. I barely see any teachers caring for their students anymore. I know there are still some out there - the upright amongst all the corrupt. But as a whole, I guess the system is just really cynical. Not just the system, but the world as a whole. I guess, humans are just selfish. Too selfish...
Yesterday was 18 July 2009 and it was 31 weeks (in other words, 217 days) after 13 December 2008. So many things have changed since then. Rather surprisingly, we did not gossip at all when we went out yesterday. What a drastic change from 217 days ago, when we would pounce on any chances for gossipry. We would prattle on and on, for hours at each go. I guess I should be glad that we are not gossiping (as much as before). But it certainly makes me feel like life has become more and more dull.
That day when I was told that I have 'disappointed my legion of fans' by not blogging, I wanted to say, 'the only fans I have are the fans in my room now'.
I have so many things to do. 15 things on my to-do list.
That day when I was running for the bus and I saw you I was stunned and I blurted out 'Bye' but I had no idea why. What I did was not anything rude but you shot me a quizzical and stunned look and lifted your hand to gesture goodbye. I don't know if I was glad. But you made me think about all the things I had lost because of カレシ, because you are amongst one of those things too. I put カレシ in Katakana just so no one would know who I mean. It is true I have lost a great deal due to カレシ but I gained a lot too. When you gain something, you lose something. And vice versa. I am not unhappy. But I do wish I could rewind to that point in time last year where I'd told Ben Chia that I felt my life was perfect. Even though I knew it wasn't. But it certainly felt that way to me. At least I was truly content. And then, I hadn't lost you yet. But maybe I was meant to lose you anyway. I'm not sad about it, anymore. I am glad I can still smile at all the things that happened, and they were horrible/amazing just the way they were. I'll stow them away in my mind.
That day when I was just totally down and all alone I was pleasantly surprised by the kindness of all the people around me. It is what makes me think that the world is not such a bad place after all, despite how evilness is omnipresent. But kindness (and everything else nice) persists. It is to these people I dedicate this PostSecret (I have been collecting PostSecrets lately):
That said, I have to mention that all your attempts to cheer me up have failed. HAHAHA. No kidding. It sounds blunt, I'm sorry, but it's true. But guess what really cheered me up? It was just your presence. Yes, just being there is enough for me. I'm glad there are still people around me whom I can lean on. I didn't really want to mention names. But here it goes. I'm going to mention who did what. But not the names. You can go on and guess. :)
1. for being an awesome partner
2. for tolerating all my crappiness and having all those childish debates with me in class
3. for waiting for me to finish my food and just listening
4. for treating me to recess more than once
5. for attempting to fix things back for me. I appreciate your effort but I know a lost cause when I see one :)
6. for being the first one to try to get me back on track
7. for telling me '4 months nia, get over it la' (LOL) and all those times you treated me to food, and telling me to eat more french fries because according to your theory, "french fries cheer people up"
8. for making me laugh in class and telling me all about Mu Liang, Xu Liang, and other miscellaneous people!!!
9. for stealing my pen (I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M THANKING YOU. BAHHH)
10., 11., and 12. for being angry on my behalf (thankfully you guys are not angry anymore)
13., 14. for lending me money when I am going broke
15. for saying that if I had gone to a single sex school this would not have happened
16. for eating with me (sometimes) and exchanging that one line of gossip with me (HAHAHA)
17. for you, who still loves me even though you are the cause of my misery!
And the list goes on.
This makes me feel glad I have friends! I'm happy (for now).
Now that I am done here, I have 14 other things left to do on my to-do list.
That day I thought my heart had died from a seizure.
|
|
I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
Contact: -
This section is temporarily out of bounds.
Layout: Victoria/hokairotciv
|
