I can't stick to my guns, it seems. Only 18 days and I am here again. I am always sad, always hurt. I'll always walk around in circles only to find that what's really causing me pain is myself. I can't believe what's wrong with me, can't believe I'm so stupid. And I think no one would understand.
The only person I really am jealous of is probably Y. On the exterior, it seems she has a perfect life. But then again everyone has things to work through in their own lives. She seems to be standing on the edge of paranoia. At least she has someone who loves her. He is someone I know, too. He does not know how to be romantic or sweet, but I know he cares for her very very much. Never would lie to her, he never lies. He's the most honest and unassuming person I know. I am jealous. While witnessing her descent into mild depression, I am still strangely attracted to the bits and pieces of her life that I can know. I guess, I am always attracted to fragile, broken things. Screw myself.
This is what I need to tell myself, to tell myself to go on. One day I will get used to it. 你已经坚持好几天了，现在这么轻易就放弃，不是很可惜吗?
Blogging is a comfort, I guess. As long as it doesn't get too commercialized.
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I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
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