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I'm using my sister's laptop now, and I'm going out later.
Thanks to all who tagged. And thanks to all who've been there for me these days. This week feels like the longest week ever. After things that happened yesterday, I finally feel that I can breathe again. I am no longer asphyxiated (as before, at least).
My laptop is still down, I will get it fixed soon.
Well, things have been well lately. Generally everything except for one small part. I wonder if I should even consider it as a small part because, it's important to me. No matter how minor it is. But I have been happy, or at least trying to be. And for the most part, I am.
Yesterday when I was walking towards the road and eating seaweed, I saw you across the road at the bus stop. Immediately I looked away, as was my habit because I was pretending that I did not see you. But a moment later I looked back and your bus was pulling into the bus stop. I was half-hoping you wouldn't get on so I could get across and we could talk. Even for a little bit.
But you did get on, and I thought maybe you did not see me. I saw you move further back into the bus and I saw your back leaning against the glass. Then I half-hoped you would turn around and maybe wave goodbye, that you were just pretending that you didn't see me either. But you didn't and I just looked at the bus pull away, with your back leaning against the glass.
I felt stupid. I wish I didn't go buy the seaweed. Now I know how a few seconds can make all the difference. If I did not buy seaweed, I would have reached the bus stop earlier. I would have seen you, I would have talked to you even though it meant just saying "Hi". On the other hand... If I did see you and talk to you it would mean another moment to remember, to remind me that we are no longer what we used to be.
When I went across I felt even stupider. I quickly finished my seaweed, and threw it away. How I missed those times we were together. You said you are shy but I want to retort, How can you possibly be shy towards me? How can you possibly be shy when we did so many insane things together?
I don't know. A few days ago when I was asked, "20 years down the road, who are the most important people in your life and what are they doing?", I included you. I'm starting to feel that 20 years down the road we might have already forgotten about each other. For now at least I will think about how we won't forget each other. I'll hold on to the hope, even though I know it's nothing but a chimera. Nothing but a reverie.
Today's a special day. And today is the day I'm going to get over it. I hope you're happy always.
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