Scream, shout, rejoice. Common Test is over.
What I feel right now is a total contradiction.
I feel liberated and relieved, because Common Test is over I'd finally get a break after weeks of... work? I don't really know if I've been working hard. I should have been but at times I just slack off so I can't quite decide. But I do know that I'm very asphyxiated, I need a break, pronto.
Yet on the other hand, I feel laden with worry. Next week, a mere two days (the weekend) after we've finished all our papers, we still have unfinished business with the Common Test. We'll be getting our papers back and that means corrections. But that is not the point and if you ask me I really don't mind doing corrections, but I do mind seeing horrible results, even if I know they are all faults on my part, for not studying and everything. Still, it always kills your mood to see a C5 or C6, or even worse grades. Not to mention the fact that while Common Test is over, we are actually going to be even busier than before - what with supplementaries and camp meetings in the holidays. Tsk.
And next, I have yet to decide what I'm going to do about this annoying sensation, this weird mixture of liberation and worry. I thought that I should either, a) rant about it, or b) forget about it.
The first option might work well (I guess in a way it's kind of what I'm doing now), because at least I'll be able to get everything off my mind and whine incessantly until I'm satisfied. The thing is, will I ever be satisfied? Because repetition of the same topic also serves as a constant reminder of my predicament. And it sucks because while you're trying to purge this horrible feeling, you end up feeeling even more horrible.
Forgetting about it, doesn't seem very good because after all next week we're getting our papers back and it'll be a plane crash back to reality. I can only have two mere days of escape, two days of enjoying myself. In a way you can compare it to having drugs. When you just consume the drugs you'll feel high and happy and content but it will never be real - it's only a delusion. And the after effects - withdrawal symptoms, and you feel totally wired and wasted and zoned out.
I feel so tired now. But I can't go to sleep yet because my hair isn't dry. And I can't use a hairdryer because I'll wake the whole household up. This is pretty terrifying - we have a meeting tomorrow from 8am to 5pm and we have to reach by 7.30am. My plans for going out with Gabbie Ng Mei Ee are ruined. (By the way, Gabbie: there is an exhibition from the 13th - 15th. The Tea Chapter one; ask me about it on MSN.)
Today we went for the BBQ. Christine and I sat at the poolside and we kept talking about 2I3 and all our past experiences from our Lower Secondary years in Fuhua. The whole day we had sentences that began with, "Do you remember last year...", "Last time we used to...", "In Sec1/2, we..." et cetera. It's really terrible, I miss 2I3 a lot. No point ruminating about the past, it only makes us stuck in reverse (lol Ms Chua taught us this term in English today). Caught in an endless vortex of reminiscence... :/
I have a lot more to rant about but I can't put my finger on what exactly. :/ Therefore I am going to give up and go and sleep the moment my hair dries.
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I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
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