"I don't know where I'm going, but I know I'm going somewhere."
That's the way things have been for these few months - I've been wandering around aimlessly, not knowing where to go or what to do next. I don't know, I just think I should break free from this cycle. It's time to do something productive.
Now I am stroking and twirling strands of my hair. I don't know what to write next.
-muses-
Very soon I am going to lock up this blog. -morbid laughter-
Although I know well enough I shouldn't be blogging just for others to read but it seems I'm accustomed to feeling this way anyway. Now I'm so busy (or so dead from doing things I don't even know why I'm doing), I don't even have the time or energy to take photos, to write. I don't know... I feel completely listless. Or is it just my illness getting to me?
Then again, without a platform for expression, I have no idea where I'm going to feed all my photos to. I still do take photos; but just not as often anymore. And where am I going to feed all my thoughts to? And how about those people out there who need sporadic supplies of my thoughts to muse about for their own leisure and entertainment? (Actually, am I being too hopeful? I don't know if anyone is reading this anyway.)
My head is spinning. My medication does not seem to be working up to its self-claimed efficacy. Sometime, I want to visit Alex. I haven't seen her for moons. She's homeschooling now... I hope she's feeling better. I want to help. Maybe I could help her study, though I may not be a very good teacher. Maybe we could study together.
When my mum bumped into them a few weeks ago, she noted with disdain that Alex's fringe hung over her eyes. Based on her description, Alex is now tall, skinny and beautiful. Huh. It fits perfectly with what most teenage girls would want to be right now. Then again I can't really trust my mum's description. Her perception on what's beautiful is... different. I shall not say it's weird. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. (Hah I forgot this quote and I had to Google it.)
I've been spending too much time in bed lately. Sleeping the hours of the day away. But it's not like anything's wrong, I'm sick, I'm supposed to rest. I still feel like I'm not doing anything productive... Lately I have been thinking that I would be better off homeschooled. It would make me feel better, emotionally anyway. I guess. I'm not sure...
Back to the topic at hand here. My blog. How long have I been blogging. -checks- First post was on July 9, 2005. So this means, I've been blogging for 3 years, 8 months and 18 days, as of today. It's the only activity I've stuck onto for so long. I really don't know if I should continue. It's a conflicting decision. I used to have this motion that I'll continue blogging all the way into adulthood, and then all the way till I'm old and then die. Now I'm not very sure. What with all the fucking school work and activities limiting me and holding me down, I REALLY DON'T KNOW. Fuck.
I miss Chinkiat. Hello Chinkiat if you are reading this. (You're probably not. I know it. Because you don't even know that I've shifted my blog over here.) For a period of time you were a very close friend of mine. Now, I'd like to think that things are still like that. But well, apparently not. I don't know... (How many times have I said 'I don't know' in this post?) I just wish we would talk properly, again. I miss you and Neng Neng and Keng Munn and Ji Ting and everyone. On the other hand, I still am intimidated by Annabel. Annabel The Intimidating... Hah.
I hate XXX XXX, have held this hatred since 2008. I HATE YOU. BITCH. -roars uncontrollably-
Spring cleaning tomorrow. Prefects' Room.
I suddenly feel like eating a lot of food. What's up with this ravenous appetite. Maybe because I skipped lunch... Okay. Bye. I hate the state I'm in now. Utterly pathetic.
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I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
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