Today is my mum's birthday.
My guitar's right here with me now. As bizarre as it seems I feel like it's the only entity I can turn to now, after a whole day of screwed-up-ness. The whole day, I was inundated with an overwhelming urge to cry. Which is wrong? I'm making a big fuss out of it. It was just one stupid statement.. Damn it.
I am going to tune my guitar.
Cheowyi, cheer up :)
I wish Emelia would come to school more... She is really nice.
Yesterday I looked through my old file (from Primary 6. !!!!!!!) and I found a lot of crap. Not exactly crap, well it's basically jargon but they're totally invaluable.. :) I love reading all my old letters and looking at all the tracings I did. Looking back, I guess we (as in HS and I) really ticked quite a few people off with that story we wrote, I won't say it's stupid because I'm glad we wrote it. Even though the jokes back then don't make sense now anymore, we still keep laughing. I don't know about what, exactly.
When I was on the bus yesterday on the way to West Mall I grabbed a random letter to read and it was Ruth's letter. Her English was impeccable back then, and even much better now, I'm sure :3 I honestly miss those times the Trins spent at Shell, ranting on about people we disliked, which include but are not limited to: SSLA, Matthew Lu, Maggie Mee and etc. Shall not state some because back then we always kept it a secret, and maybe we still should ;)
In Secondary 1 when I was still superbly emo all the time I asked my dad if I could go to Australia to study. To my utter surprise he told me to think about is carefully first, and if it was really what I wanted then he could send me off right there and then. (Okay not literally 'there and then', but you get the point.)
In the end I refused because I thought that, no matter how hard and tough things are going I should still hang on. I kept thinking that 'it will be over soon', without really knowing what 'it' is, anyway. In retrospect, I guess what 'it' really was, was me. I was the one causing all the problems for myself. And back then I still thought that it was the world that was against me.
And if only if I could have that mindset now (not that one about the world being against me). Although I was so gloomy and melancholic in the past I don't understand how but there was a fleeting glimpse of positivity within me? How strange. Because right now I guess I don't think like that anymore.
Maybe, if I was given a chance, I'd rewind time and tell my dad that I wanted to go to Australia after all. But I guess in a way, it would have been a pity too. That was Secondary 1, sometime in the third quarter of the year. It would mean that I would never have met people like Gabbie, Felicia, Ben Chia, Hai Song (:/), Jing Yong, Dionis, Eugene, Brendan, Adlar, Benson, Cheeyuan, CHINKIAT (!!!), Jiting, Jikai, Keng Munn, DINOSAUR TEO (LOL), Keng Yi, Zi Yi, Gail, Jing Yue, Darren Lee, Darren Teo, Darren Toh, Darren Koh, David, Dean, Dyan, Ian, Javan, Jasper, Jian Zhe, Jian Xing, Jinfu, Jing Yong, Joshua Ong, Joshua Tan, Junwei, Justin, Kelvin, Kenny Tan, Lucinda, Magdalene, Ming How, Mr Boo, Nicholas Choy, Noppadol, Bryan, Shaoyan, Shizhou, Wei Jie (aka Ba Wang), Adrian, Jia En... and Awesome Boy. (Basically, I am just naming some people I got to know only after that part of my life, if you even bothered to read the list.)
And would I be happy if I was in Australia right now? I really don't know. I would be alone there. And if there was serious racial discrimination I'd probably be even more agony than I had back then.
I am just ranting. Now I'm going to tune my guitar.
|
|
I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
Contact: -
This section is temporarily out of bounds.
Layout: Victoria/hokairotciv
|