Today during class, I started writing what was originally intended as a crappy entry, a long entry about changes in myself ever since I got into secondary school. I'm at the fifth page currently, and I have no intention of stopping. I have so much more to write.
Maybe being in a state of emotional disarray makes me write better. The vocabulary, the sentence phrasings, it just appears on my mind, word my word, sentence by sentence. And I tidy it up and pen it all down. I can safely say that what I'm writing now in this entry is not as good as what I've written in the book.
As bizarre and crappy as this may be, but I am going to talk about the advantages of being emo.
But first, I have to define what being emo means to me.
For me, it means to be in a state of confusion, despondence, and/or depression. You just start thinking a lot, asking questions, asking why. You go all quiet and sometimes you feel so stressed you want to scream. (But you can't. Screaming suddenly during lesson time would result in you being the laughing stock of the class or people would think you're insane or you'll end up at the counselor's office.)
I remember that Benson said that I looked the type of person that slashed myself.
I DO NOT SLASH MYSELF.
I don't slash myself because, firstly, going through such pain is unbearable. I can't tolerate it, I'm super sensitive to pain. Next, it's dumb. WHY DO I WANT TO LEAVE SCARS ON MY WRIST(S)? On top of that, it looks damn ugly, whether it's the scars, or when it's healing.
Back to the main topic.
Being emo is also being pessimistic. I shall quote Neng Neng:
"Being emo is actually quite good because things will either turn out just as you expected, or unexpectedly good."
-smiles-
Therefore, things will always turn out just as I expected or unexpectedly good for me. Which makes me not keep my hopes too high. Why? Because, the higher your hopes are, the worse it is when you're let down.
Eh I'm damn tired now. I've been losing the motivation to blog lately. NO STIMULATION. Maybe this is why my English standard is dropping, because I no longer feel the need and want to write and read. GOD, SAVE ME.
(\/) Peace out.
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I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
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