Outside Looking In
Jordan Pruitt
You don't know my name
you don't know anything about me
I try to play nice
I want to be in your game
The things that you say
You may think I never hear about them
But word travels fast
I'm telling you to your face
I'm standing here behind your back
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in
If you could read my mind
You might see more of me than meets the eye
And you've been all wrong
Not who you think I am
You've never given me a chance
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in
Well, I'm tired of staying at home
I'm bored and all alone
I'm sick of wasting all my time
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in
----
No pictures today because I didn't bring my camera around.
People from Tai Chang came today. Pui Ling's the only one from our class to have a buddy. Which is kind of cool, her buddy's call Shan Yao :) 偶善瑶... Er or something like that. I don't remember the Chinese characters.
She's nice, AND GUESS WHAT. She watches J-dramas too! AND SHE LIKES KAT-TUNNNN. :D
Don't think she'll be in school tomorrow which is kinda sad. Okay more on this later.
I've noticed that when there are exchange students in our class, our class seem to be at its worst. In terms of behaviour and discipline, I mean. Or... perhaps this is just the way we are, all the time. But maybe I'm just more aware of it, when there's someone else in the class. Probably so, but today was really quite terrible. I think I better not continue explicating this.
So after school went to study with at the library with Hai Song, Felicia, Kok Wee, Mr Boo, Hui Qi and Gabbie... Yes, 'study'. :)
I really wasn't in the mood to actually get down to studying so I gossiped a lot with Felicia. We were in the Children's section, at the basement.
Mr Boo was playing PSP (Grand Theft Auto?) and he kept laughing/giggling. The way he laughed was hilarious we were all unable to conceal our mirth. (I don't think we tried to concealed it anyway.) Oh, and we were told once by the librarian to keep the volume down. She told us in a polite way, which was good :) Unlike those old hag librarians that shush you by telling you to "shut up" or you'll be "forced to leave the library".
Felicia and I gossiped and we planned to have a chalet at the end of the year. An exclusive one, inviting only certain people. Most of them from Prefects! Haha. It's gonna be fun! 3 days and 2 nights, we're going to stay up the whole night to talk, play poker, go night cycling, DRINK ALCOHOL :)
THEN! The part I'm looking forward to the most is seeing people get drunk. HAHAHA. Hui Qi told us that at one of the class chalets she's attended, some people got drunk and spurt out ALL their secrets. Hohoho. :3
Then we realised that since we're underage we can't buy alcohol.
Solution(s):
a) Bring Shaoyan along and ask him to buy it for us since he's already 18. HAHA.
b) Ask angmohs in the queue to buy for us. :)
I'm looking forward to it! Even though it's going to be after End of Year Exams.
Hui Qi left early and the rest of us slacked there.
At 6.30 we left and went to get waffles. Walked out and Kok Wee and Mr Boo left for the interchange. Gabbie, Felicia, Hai Song and I went to the bus stop and we saw this guy that looked like JIE LUN. Got onto 66. Gabbie hopped off after a few stops.
Talked to Felicia and Hai Song after that, until they got off.
The three of us hang out together the most among all the other people. I've to say we've formed a really strong and beautiful bond and I'm happy about it. :)
Felicia and Hai Song, I'm glad to have met people like you, to be friends with people like you. I hope our friendship lasts, and even though there that's annoying primary-school cliche that goes, "Friends forever", we know it's more than often not that case.
It's difficult to maintain a friendship and I really hope ours can last for a long, long time to go. Thank you, for enlightening me to so many things and so many perspectives of the world...
This, is just the beginning, and we've got so many adventures to venture together. :)
----
It's going to be sad to not see Shan Yao tomorrow because... If you really think about it, we might never see her again.
Do you believe in fate? I do.
Think about it. This may be the last time I'm blogging, even though the more probable chances are that it's not. But what if I'm knocked down by a car tomorrow? We never know. We can never grasp what the future holds for us. Sometimes when everything's so prettily planned, yet, the slightest detail can come along... And everything you've worked so painstakingly for, will be destroyed, burned and disintegrating into ashes.
Think about this scenario... Today I talked to Friend A. He used to be a close friend of mine but we haven't been in contact recently so I just said 'hi' to him.
Then, tomorrow, I make a new friend. Friend B. While I'm making a new friend, I might be losing Friend A too. Because for all I know I might never speak to him again, whether I'm given the chances or not. Things always obstruct our way... Oh, I'm busy, I'll talk to him tomorrow... I'll go out with him next week... Postpone our meet-up to next month... Then maybe, if it keeps going on and on, will I ever get to see him again? So, things come and go all the time. It's all the work of fate.
We can do nothing about it, but try our best.
----
about you now.
Today Hai Song told me he had the solution to my problem. Not exactly a solution I must follow, but what he thought was... I should let you go.
Maybe it was fate that you don't want to trust me. As much as I trust you and adore you. Maybe, it wasn't meant to be and I just really need to let you go, and we'll live our lives. A clean cut.
Felicia agreed too.
So I guess it all boils down to this: It just wasn't meant to be, for us. To form the stalwart relationship I thought we had, I thought we could have. To have a friendship, a love for one another, bigger and better than I've ever experienced... I guess, you never felt that way and it was an illusion on my part.
Yet it's not easy to let go. Trust and love, that's the key. After investing so much trust into you, it's going to be extremely difficult for me to reel it back and lock it in my heart, or grant it to many others who probably might treat and deserve it better.
Trust has to be earned, just like respect. You earned my complete and ultimate trust. I guess, I just didn't do the same. You never trusted me. I'm disappointed and hurt about it but I've got nothing I can do but blame myself. Blame fate?
So maybe, I should let go.
It's time, to let go.
Maybe someday I'll do it... For now... ... ...
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I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
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