EXPECTATIONS
I wish I don't have to live up to so many expectations it's killing me this sentence is long I'm going to stretch it I just refuse to put a full stop at the end what are you gonna do about it you can't do anything so shut up shut up shut up I'm screwed up. There, the full stop.
FRIENDS
On the topic of friends. I don't think I have any true friends in school. Because when I think I do, something happens makes me realise they're not what they seem after all. Or sometimes I put my trust in their hearts and all I do is have it get made used of, for something else. It's like me putting money in a bank to save and after being assured that the money is safe, the people at the bank use it... Bad metaphor, I know, but I really can't think of anything else.
I really want a friend. But am I supposed to lower MY expectations of what a real friend is?
And you, do you have any true friends? Friends that will back you up, no matter what. That will break the news to you, be honest to you and never lie to you. (Unless it's a white lie. I think white lies are acceptable, as long as they don't get blown out of proportion.)
TIME
Time is running out. The day is ending and I feel unaccomplished, unsatisfied, discontent with how I squandered my hours, minutes, and seconds away. Why the hell did I sleep in Chinese today? Why did I take so long to walk down to the canteen?
Yet I need the time. Because without time, I cannot do things I truly want.
I cannot do things I HAVE to do.
More and more, I feel like the things I have to do are outweighing things I want to do. SIM Card? Have to get it today. Bank cheque? Bank it in by today. Letter? Write it by Thursday.
I also need time, for so many other things. I feel like everything's manipulating me, I'm struggling to not be affected, to keep a balance. However it's not playing out that well and when one side works out well, the other(s) just falter. Or collapse, completely. And maybe then, when it really collapses hard, I'll fall into a state of utter depression and despondence.
AND, YOU
Yes you.
Where are you when I need you? I thought you would be the person to stay. Like all the others are washed away and you're all that left. But no, all along with the others, you've been brought away with the current.
The thing is, I don't think you even know how badly I need you. I can't believe how I'm being so dependent. I think... I need to stand up, alone. Yet I can't. Because everybody needs somebody.
I really miss you a lot. Where are you?
WRITING
Writing. Writing, writing, writing.
One of the most important things in my life, ever. Period.
I don't think I will ever be able to survive without pen and paper. Or an outlet for me to write, to etch and record down my thoughts and feelings. If there wasn't any pen, I'll probably bite my finger and write with my blood. (As dramatic and absurd as it is, I will do it. But I don't think it will ever happen.)
The thing I love about writing: I can be so engrossed in it that I can just... forget the world, and run away to another place, another realm. A realm of my own. Where no one might ever find, where no one will bind me down. This is where I am free, free to do anything. An escape, a paradise. It's just me, the pen, and the paper.
I love to write, I want to write and I'm dying to write. Every time I'm without a piece of paper, without a pen, my heart and mind starts crafting another composition altogether. To be able to read and write, I have to thank my parents for that. For giving me an education. Without this, I would never have discovered one of the things I'm truly, truly passionate about.
A world, where you're not restricted...
You can do anything you like, anything you want...
What would you what to do?
A world where I can spread out my wings, and fly.
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I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
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