Usually when I start off my day I'm extremely introspective but at the end I almost always forget what I've been thinking about in the morning... Today I made it a point to try and remember the things occupying my mind in the morning.
But before that, I'm going to post some pictures first.
Today during P.E. Class:
We had an hour of P.E. because the first period was actually Music but apparently, Mrs. Low didn't come (she's been on leave for eons and she's our school's only Music teacher). She's ill now, I think, down with some sort of disease. Though she seemed so eccentric at times but I'll always remember when she was teaching us... She was so full of life and her curls bounced whenever she hit a new pitch and her smile, a smile of someone who's enjoying what she's doing... We'll probably never see her again, because her illness disallows her to do what she wants to do... I hope she takes care.
Zexun. This reminds me, Felicia says she's seen Zexun topless before! HAHAHA.
After school, went for the Japan trip meeting. It was fairly brief, and we'd have to submit our cheques by Wednesday.
After that, went to Jurong Point with Yi Fang and Felicia. Had Pizza Hut.
We were so hungry I didn't take a picture of the food but only took pictures of our plants, scraped clean and left with some sauce and stray pieces of spaghetti.
That crazy Felicia, poured cheese and that chilli powder thing on lemon from Yi Fang's ice lemon tea. >_>
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This morning when I stumbled into the bathroom, I locked the door and put my uniform on the chair. I squeezed toothpaste onto my orange Kodomo toothbrush (don't laugh) (my mouth's still too small for an adult-size toothbrush), and then I thought...
Where am I now, this moment in life?
Statistically speaking, I am in my 13th year, 6th month, and 12th day of life currently (shan't go into the specifics of hour and minute [and second] [!]). Time is running out for me, for the kid in me.
What have I done, in these 13 years, 6 months and 12 days?
I can safely say, I haven't done much until the beginning of this year. It's also this year that I've done too much and it's haunting me, disillusioning me on what I used to believe, principles I used to hold by... I now think that sometimes I need to bend and be flexible to suit to people's demands... Why? Why do I keep wanting to please people?
Why am I here? Everything I've done before that I thought was right, that I thought was good for my future, is what brought me here. I've made a few detours and (on the surface) I'm on the right track. Or am I really? If what I've done and learnt was for my personal gain, then why am I so dissatisfied with my twin in the mirror, so dissatisfied with myself?
When I turn 14... That is, in my eyes, the beginning of the struggle of leaving the kid in me behind, and trying to embrace the life of a young adult, adapting to it and learning the ropes. Because at 14, you're not exactly an adult yet but you're not much of a kid no longer. It's an age, we're stuck in and one that most people have gone through. This determines who I am going to be when I become a young adult. This, is the key.
At 15, I will no longer be a child. No more running in playgrounds, no more crying when my dad decides not to spare the rod. In fact, he might not even swish out this weapon anymore. Because I'll be a young adult. A true blue, honest to goodness, teenager. And am I going to be happy with that? Because now I'm already in the prologue in the teenage part of my life. I am confused about who to be, a child or a mature and responsible young adult. I miss being a child. But we grow up, we all need to even if we try and run away from it. It's... fate. It's destined. A part and parcel of life we've got to accept.
For now, I'll be holed up in my own state of confusion, emotion and nostalgia overwhelming me. I'll enjoy it when I can but responsibilities have begun to be thrust into our hands... This is bittersweet. I'll try and enjoy it... Because when I get to the 15th year of my life... It's then when I know... I am no longer a child. I can no longer be a child.
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I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
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