See my half of the world, through my eyes.
My brother got the last in class. Basically because he never scored higher than a 75 for any of the subjects. And also because he scored a 29 in his Maths. A 29. That's a Band 4.
I think I have learned a lot from last year. I think it is true. But as I learn so much things, I start to lose grip of what I used to know, the values I use to hold by. And I am not (completely) who I was, anymore. I want to be that person again, the person who knew exactly how people felt when they were down, who knew what to say at the right time. The person who always reflected, always learned.
Yet I still want to be who I am. The loud, crazy person that people laugh at. I know I'm obnoxious. Annoying. I don't know. I want to be who I am now, and who I was back then. I need just a pinch of every trait I used to possess, and I'd plough them together with who I am now. Then I would be who I want to be. Maybe that's who I really am. Then, maybe I'd be satisfied.
Then again, maybe not, too.
Who I am now, is who I've wanted to be last year. When will I ever find my iota of perfection? I remembered I had this conversation with Ben Chia on MSN, back in early March:
Me:
i dont know. i think my life is perfect. yet im so unhappy about it.
Ben:
o_O OMFG
Me:
-gives benchia a weird look-
Ben:
FOR THE 1ST TIME EVER IN MY LIFE SOMEONE TOLD ME HIS/HER LIFE IS PERFECT O_o OMG
Me:
wait. you must listen to my perspective on perfect.
Ben:
o_O Go on
Me:
okay.
i understand i have problems in my life. i really cant be bothered with them because everything else is fine. the problems arent really important anyway. nothing is perfect, therefore, my life is beautiful, it's perfect in its own defected state.
My life now, I don't see that anymore. All I see now is someone the old me would be disappointed in. Just who am I, really? I don't know anymore.
P/S:
Ruth, I know you are reading this. Stop secretly reading my blog and not tagging! Haha :D
Call me when you read this.
I like talking to Nicholas Choy. I hope he doesn't get sunburn at his NCC Camp, hahaha. (:
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