Oh no oh no oh no
I was browsing through the blogs of the PHPPS people.
Then I came to Audrey's blog.
Was reading her archives to see if there were any pictures I could SNATCH. x]
Okay, then I saw her dedication list.
She actually put me inside.
I really never thought anyone would remember me yeahs.
I thought I was very quiet back in PHPPS?
Now I'm like a lion, can shout, can scream. Whatever.
Okay. So yeah, was surprised to see my name there.
Then I went on to read the post about the last day of school,
then I really really felt like crying.
I was so stupid.
Was listening to 'Graduation' by Vitamin C. There was this part that went,
"So if you've got anything you better say it right now"
& there were so many things I didn't say,
so many things left unsaid.
I had so many I could say,
but I didn't even say a single one.
There were too many secrets I kept.
I never told anyone a single secret.
Not Hua Shan.
Not Nat, my pinkbox owner.
Nada. Zip. Zilch.
Zero.
Somehow it's hard for me to say anything, because people would have a totally different impression of me.
I think inside, I'm too bad, too evil, too bitchy, and way too over-emo.
Spill it out, I used to tell myself, spill it all out. Tell someone, anyone. Nat, HS, Cher, Ruth, WHATEVER. Just someone.
I told this over and over to myself.
& never once I told a single soul. :/
I'm such an idiot.
Sometimes I imagine myself spilling the secrets and truth to someone. Well, not someone specifically, just anyone.
Maybe a stranger, maybe Nat.
Yeahs then I thought it would be so good.
Because so much secrets and evil are building and kept inside me, for so much, and for too long.
Someday, It's gonna overflow, like a cup filled to the brim with water. If you put just one single drop in it, it will overflow.
Someday I know something will slip out. Maybe.
How good it would be to just simply let go. ):
But I know it's not that easy.
And each day, I slip one step back, instead of going towards letting go.
Save meeeeeeeeeee
I need to let gooooo
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I love sleeping, eating and my imaginary tattoo.
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